The Face of Vulnerability, Naming My Fears

     A curious sidebar to leaning into vulnerability is finding my own voice. One thing I was stripped of as a young boy during events that changed my very nature. Learning to be vulnerable has allowed me to move back towards being the truth I was born to be.
     Being afraid is another road that is a tough road for a man to go down. Voicing fears is not manly right? And there have been many a time I have voiced my fears or opened up and had them rammed right back down my throat. Often as a the victim of sexual abuse you're dealt with more critically than the predator. And let me tell you I have been on the end of much critical scrutiny about what happened to me. So fear lives deep running through me on many levels.
     I have learned to name my fears and embrace them for what they are. Some are real, some are old patterns and habits I am moving beyond. But having that voice to speak them is a powerful energy that has helped me to enter into more of my truth. Having a voice can scare others and lead to them judging you. Oh well, its better to have a free voice then a mind chained by others demands. I have new strength in naming my fears and setting them free. Fears are a form of energy that we internalize. By naming those fears I have been able to release that energy and move out beyond that force that kept me stuck. It's

hard to be completely fearless, but that is the joy that vulnerability can bring to life. It's a joy because there is more to gain and fully live than there is to lose.
     Fears become barriers in our mind that keep us from being fully alive. The types of barriers that trade freedom for a self-imposed prison. My goal is to harm no others on this journey. Having a voice doesn't mean being rude or confrontational. But giving voice to your fears sometimes means having to let others know that you've become a changed person and they may not like that. That is for those people to deal with. For my fears have no power over my life and being vulnerable enough to open them up to the world is living my true nature.

Blessings

Daniel

"Breaking the chains of ordinary and the curse of mediocrity."

Dancing with the Moment

     After the tragic collision the Humboldt Broncos had I was reeling for a few days. It just made no sense that so many lives were lost. First of all my prayers, and thoughts go out to every parent, family member, friend, girlfriend, billet, or anyone who knew an individual who passed. I wasn't sure how to write this in terms that makes sense. But I know it made me realize how valuable each moment is. It also made me realize that I don't fully embrace every moment I live. Too often I am focusing on the long range goals I have and out there on the hoped for horizon. I was meditating on this when the following popped into my mind, 'Dance with each moment' of your life. Dancing is a metaphor here for being present in every moment.
     Doing Epic Shit can be done in the moment every moment. I talk often about enjoying the process and the journey. Upon reflecting I realize that I often don't actually do this. By focusing down the road I am failing to dance right in this moment. Dancing in this moment means to just accept the moment as it is. Being the silent witness and observing the moment without judging it, and others. Maybe most importantly is not judging myself in this one beautiful moment. Doing Epic Shit means accepting what is going on right here and now. Embracing this pain, this joy, this failure, this success, this opportunity right here to dance the moment. I'm not saying don't try to change the events that are impacting the moment, however don't spend so much time focusing out beyond the moment you forget to live. Dancing is a joyous activity, it is vibrant, energized, and a celebration. That's why Dancing with the Moment caught my attention.
       I wanted to try and make sense of the tragic Humboldt collision for myself. What really struck me about that collision was the loss of potential, the loss of dreams. All of the people who lost their lives on that bus were there for a purpose. They had a passion for hockey, each other, and their dreams. They were dancing in the moment together doing what they loved. Life is short, pursue it like it is. Tomorrow could change everything. So today bust your ass to live your passion dancing in the moment to enjoy that journey. I believe that I can honor the Humboldt Broncos by doing my part to keep their collective passion alive by dancing in my moments. As humans we can live a collective passion that celebrates all of them and all of us. This collective energy can lift us all when a moment and life doesn't make sense.

God Bless

Daniel

"Breaking the chains of ordinary and the curse of mediocrity."

I am Vulnerable

     This was a difficult piece for me to write. As a male I have built a persona around that uber male way, you know, that I'm a man and that means not being vulnerable. As a survivor of sexual abuse, there was a point as a very young man I made certain that I was never going to be vulnerable again. I built a fortress around my heart and guarded it with vigilance. As a boy I had part of my nature ripped from me, and when that happens you are never the same.
     Recently I was blessed to go through a process that had me examine me. It had me get to the root of me and who I am. It was emotional, painful, hard work, and spiritually uplifting beyond words. And I made a choice to do it. Part of that process had me look at what it means to be vulnerable. In that learning I discovered something amazing. To be vulnerable is to be human. To be vulnerable is to be a man. This process for me could be likened to using a drill to drill through your own hand by choice. All that I was had been built around not being vulnerable. I had to turn my personal philosophy upside down and allow myself to see the possibility that being vulnerable would bring freedom.
     Isn't it unique that being vulnerable could bring me freedom? I experienced this once before when I looked my abuser in the eye and gave him forgiveness. That release of anger, hatred, and disgust was freeing. As I went through my process and faced my choice to be vulnerable something amazing happened! I was forgiving myself. This forgiveness was about opening my heart to possibilities about myself. By not allowing myself to be vulnerable I closed myself of from my true nature. I closed myself off from living, from exploring, from being instead of doing. I am afraid, I can honestly say that. But I am also alright with being afraid.
     Being vulnerable to me means being human. Being human means to live life in the pursuit mode. By not being vulnerable, what I was doing was decaying rather than growing. So life in my fortress was not pursuit. Life was darkness and fear. I came to realize that I was not being human. I want to be human. So I go forward with my mind open.  I can be smart and be vulnerable. I can protect my best interests and be vulnerable. I can create my life instead of just surviving it by being vulnerable. I am vulnerable

God Bless

Daniel

"Breaking the chains of ordinary and the curse of mediocrity."